Tuesday, February 02, 2010


It's already February!! Summer break is slowly winding down and meeting its end. Grrrr... but but on the plus side, O-Week!!! Hehehe... Gonna kick start uni with back to back events I hope. Let the partying begin!! Hurry back Bwaaa. Pirates sound good... sexy pirate wenches sound even better don't ya reckon?


Anyway this whole learning to let go thing is hard... the concept is simple enough for me to understand and it's something I really need to and want to do but putting thoughts into actions isn't as easy. You have so many other factors that come into play, one of which is emotions. Stupid feelings I tell ya. My feelings though, are exactly that... MY feelings. So if anything I have control over them, I have a choice to let them run the show or to take charge of them. As tough as the battle is I think I choose to run the show and have them in my control. So listen to me all of you... especially you like/ love and you sadness I'm in charge ya hear?


As much as I have my issues with this book I've read recently, I have to admit there were some learning points I stole from it... One of which is so apt for me at the moment and I feel the need to share. Coz I dunno, I guess putting my thoughts here helps me as well. It reiterates and cofirms things for me somehow. With how I've been feeling most of the time lately, Elizabeth Gilbert in her book Eat Pray Love, touched on being lonely and said something I found rather confronting:

So be lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness.
Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life.
Welcome to the human experience.
But never again use another person's body or emotions
as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.

Reading that still makes me feel like I just got a slap in the face, that was just how confronting I found it. I've always had someone to be my emotional bin. Always. Between boyfriends heck even the boyfriends themselves. It has to stop. How I feel is something I need to learn to deal with as best I can on my own. I can't keep running to someone ringing them every other day because I feel the need to fill up a void that I feel is left by someone before. Truth is, there's no void. I created that void. I created it by constructing this vision that I need someone there all the time for me. So when there's no one there I feel empty. I'm slowly starting to realise that there is someone there for me, that someone is me. This all sounds like bs to me at the moment too to be honest but sometimes when I allow myself to bask in this bs I actually feel better. Rejuvenated if you can call it that. It's such a refreshing thought and to reach my goals this year, how I feel in general is going to play a large part. I need to understand myself and know that this loneliness is a choice, a construction of my own.


So how about it Sharkie, make friends with loneliness for a while. Enjoy the company that it brings, bask in it and come out of that retreat as someone better. Deal?




2:22 PM