Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Just something I feel I hafta address before I go on ranting my daily dose.
Mistress no. 2: please remember it was never my intention for things to go the way they did, i only ever wanted to brighten your day, i think you deserved that.
I do not know if you realise this my dearest 2nd mistress but I know and definitely remember that we both didn't plan to be falling for each other. I am thankful for having you around even for the week. I can't thank you enough for making it one of the best moments of my life as well. But as I sit here today missing you badly yet knowing i have to distance myself from you for now, are you there missing me just as much? Are you thinking of me even when you're talking to her, just like how you were thinking of her when you were here with me? I do not know, I do not think so and most of all at the moment I do not even think it matters. In saying that however, thank you for thinking I deserve the best and for trying to brighten my day for however limited the time. I really do appreciate it. Things turned out the way they did because we chose to let it work out that way, believe it or not it was both our doings and we could've had things turn out in a different way, in fact probably many other different ways. But it's time I suck it up and start pushing myself to go on. I can't force someone to love me if they choose not to, I can't force them to want me or be with me if their minds have been set. If not choosing me is what makes them happy then like I told you I'm more than willing to accept that and learn to deal with it. After all we are still friends. I'd still like to be friends. Just right now I need some me time and get over missing you. I need to put myself in my place and realise that's just what I am to you and expect nothing more. I miss you so so much. I yearn to call you baby. I wish I can feel like I did last week all over again. It's actually been a week since you left, I still feel strongly, I can wish that you don't get over me, for you to miss me just as bad but I want you happy. I think that's unfair. You know how I feel, nuff said. I'll just say this one last time, I miss you baby wish you were here. Now imma down two cups of concrete, harden up and move on. =]
Blogging helps... heh... I wake up feeling crappy and now two hours on after I decided to blog even though it feels a lil heavy in my heart from all this missing of family and special people, I do feel a lil better. I've got it off my chest... here's a big shoutout to you Derek :P stop being bloody cheeky lol. But thank you for the entertainment, u kick ass lol not sure bout the haircut boy=p. Anyway, the new addition to my family makes me proud if only coz she looks like me lol.. gahh im so shameless. But like my mistress no. 2 would say that's just me being a nurturer lol i guess that's a legit reason for being proud. Everytime I chat to my dad he will never fail to tell me "when I miss you I carry my lil sweety coz she reminds me so much of you when you were a baby." My heart is melting. I miss you Pa, I only want to make you proud. I hope you will forgive me for all this money you're spending on me and for the pain I may have put you through. You and mum both. No matter what happens you need to understad that you're the #1 man in my life and always will be. You will never fail me and you will never let me down, it is me who needs to worry about not disappointing you. Wow i totally went off tangent there lol... I was spose to be talkin bout the new addition.. right well the new addition's name is Haifaa, born 10th Dec '09.
Dear Haifaa, it's ok to look like me, in fact be proud hahaha... but please in terms of behaviour and personality stay away from being your aunty Shaheera. Don't be lazy and always know what you want and work for it. Sometimes though please remember, things may not always turn out the way you want them to. When that happens, no matter how difficult it is be strong and accept it. Your family and friends will be there for you. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. So learn to let go and realise that if it's yours you will get it if not always move on coz good things can come and surprise you. Remember God and always be thankful for everything you experience. Good or bad they serve as lessons, the good makes you appreciate, the bad makes u realise how strong the human courage is. More than anything make something of yourself. Do not let things from your past haunt you. I remember telling someone dear to me (you know who you are =p) that your past shouldn't get in the way of who you are now and what you want to be in the future. Learn from your mistakes and know that you will not repeat them. No one has the right to judge you for the way you were, you're your own critic. So unlike me, please be a little nicer to yourself and only give yourself constructive criticisms. Self love is the best love there is. If you do not see your worth and love yourself, you will always settle for less and continue to do things that will hurt you. You can't make people happy or make a difference if you do not realise what you are capable of. I shall end here my lil darling. May you grow up beautiful and smart and make us all proud.
Here's a pic of her and me...lol similarities uncanny right down to the facial expression =p... and yeah i got bored ok lol. 'Njoy!
7:28 AM
