Saturday, February 19, 2005
THE ONE WITH THE NEW STUFF
You are LANDON! Landon is a laid back, top of the
school punk. He gets into lots of trouble.
Being Landon, you are not sure on what you want
to do or who you are until you meet someone
that has faith in you. Be strong and you will
make it.
Which A Walk to Remember character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Bout that quiz up there that I took, as much as I'm a girl, I think somehow what it says is pretty true. Not that I agree with quizzes very much, just as much as I believe in astrology. Anyway, the part where I'm not so sure about what I want to do or who I am until I meet someone that has faith in me is pretty true. Every once in awhile I need the people closest to me who actually have a hint of believing in me to shake me awake and tell me that I'm capable of doing things and that there's more to me than I actually think. It's pretty sad actually, that I don't really believe in me. I'm learning to change that though. I'm trying to slowly believe that I can do things if only I put my heart and soul to it and not doubt that it will work. Sometimes though, I hafta admit that I don't really believe what those people tell me, but that's only because I refuse to. I simply refuse to belive that it's true or that I'm actually capable of anything good. But still, THANKS for giving me that wake up call once in awhile.
On a lighter note though.. my dad finally got a new TV... whooooooppppeeee!!! No more watching movies or shows as if I'm watching it on the cinema screen and no more looking at Orlando Bloom or Ciara on MTV and thinkin that they've both gained some pounds and have gotten really short.. lol now u get the idea how badly screwed my old tv was?
Anyway I went out with Jez the other day. I had great fun with her. I'm not jus sayin this coz of what she wrote on her blog. Promise. I mean it. I can speak the way I wanna speak and not feel uncomfortable of how people might think or judge me. I can dress the way I want and actually somehow feel good bout myself, though sometimes that's really shortlived. I finally got the stuff that I want. Now I'm jus waiting for the people at Tower (Records) to give Jez a call so I can finally get my hands on the Brixton dvd. Gimme a hell yeah.... LoL.. Now since Simple Plan are gonna play here at the end of March, I'm saving cash so I can go watch them. So please do not screw me ( and i do not mean this literally) if I decide to skip meals in school. I'm jus trying to save money and rest assured I'll eat when I get home. Anyway, sometimes Jez and I are so similar it creeps me out. We say the same things at the same time, we do the same things at the same time and there are those moments where we think the same things the same time. Haha but sometimes there're differences. Like when we go out, Jez turns head and in away similar for me. The only difference is that I make the heads turn to another direction ... LoL but I'm ok with that.. coz I LOVE HANGING WITH JEZ and with her... there's not a care in the world. U rawk my world woman..
Right now my mind is pretty much blank. Can't think of anything else that I wanna write. Oh maybe the next time I post stuff I can give ya my birthday wishlist.. LoL ... yeah I'm kinda shameless right now. But then think about it, I'm givin you people a mth headstart to getting what I want. LoL... not that I usually end up getting them anyway ey?
Well before I end I jus wanna say that my parents mean the whole world to me. Yeah they do. Sometimes though, they say things that cut so deep and wound me so bad, I jus can't cover that up with the good stuff that they do. N trust me, when they get unpredictable, it's worse. One minute they're really nice and warm and the next they treat me like I'm some trashy skank. So for now I guess the easiest way out is to shut them off whenever I can. Well not totally. If I can do what they want, I'll try my best to do it and to listen to them but that's as far as it goes. Other than that I'm jus gonna keep to myself and stay invisible as much as I can.
Well that's it... need to work on my homework that I got today... Tara.. if you're reading this.. do yours too ok? Je parle francais aight.. LoL..
LOVE A PERSON, MAKE USE OF MONEY.. DON'T LOVE MONEY AND MAKE USE OF A PERSON.. it's translated from malay.. so yeah LoL it doesn't sound as good but you get the idea.
4:50 AM
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
THE ONE WITH ALL THAT BOREDOM
The earlier part of my time home after school was pretty much boring. I was online only for abit then I had to leave coz the parentals hated the fact that I lock myself up in the room hanging out with my trustee laptop. But who cares? I'm not doin anything stupid or hanging out away from their reigns in town or something right? Parents.. can't live with them, can't live without them. I love them to death, I'd do anything for them but as of now I don't think they see that. I suppose all they see now is me trying to defy them and there's not much I can do bout it. Time will take its course and then hopefully things will get better, I mean seriously in about two months I'm turning 19, surely they can't keep having a hold on me right? Or maybe.. wrong ey?
I was reading some Chicken Soup thing Sasi grabbed from the school library while we were hanging out there during the free periods we had. Then there was this part bout losing parents and I got all teary I had to flip to another page to stop myself from crying. Yeah, yeah I know.. afterall that 'rebellion' I still do care bout what my parents think and feel. Just that sometimes I try so hard to please and they fail to see it and in the end I get so frustrated I vent it out on them. I guess what I'm saying is, I'm really sorry. I do things and I say things that I sometimes don't mean jus coz I get real angry for not bein understood. At they end of the day, they're still my parents and I'd give my life for them.
I wrote this and I thought maybe I'd share it since I've never really shared much of what little things (hey isn't that a GC song? lol yeah i know it is) I write but this one somehow jus hits home for me, so here goes:
ALL ABOUT TIME
Your timing's perfect
Your tact zero
Your attitude pisses me
But how much you'll never know
Knockin on the door
I get no answer
My mind's all empty
You don't even bother
Your timing's perfect
Your tact zero
Your attitude pisses me
But how much you'll never know
Thank you for showing me
That the worse things can come true
With that I find comfort
In not running back to you
Your timing's perfect
Your tact zero
Your attitude pisses me
And now you know!
It's not really good I know, but I jus pen stuff as an outlet. Oh yeah and tomorrow's the MTV Asia Aid thing and GC will be performin.. god they're so close (as in, in BANGKOK for u ignorant peeps) and yet so far away.. haha yeah ok I'm goin nuts.. but I do really wanna see them live but at least I can watch it on the tv I think. All I need to do is get the timing right. RAWK ON.. hahah aight then
Oh yeah in school today, it was so darn embarrassing for me. We had a Community Involvement Programme (CIP) talk in the AVA Rm and the CIP representative in each class had to go upfront to collect stuff for their class and stuff and when I did - mind you I keep having to go back and forth- my classmates keep clapping and cheering me on each time I pass them. Apparently according to some, I turned real pink and then into various shades of red.. arghh.. EMBARRASSING!!! I hate turning red, I get all hot and all. Oh yeah and now their new chant in class when they see me is "Aight shark.. aight"or jus "aight". All that jus coz I say "aight" alot.. haha but at the end of the day.. I KNOW U GUYS LOVE ME!! RIGHT 03B2 (my class)?? LOl aight I shan't push my luck on that one.. oh there I go again with the aight thing..
Well that's it for another update.. I'll check with you peeps later.. Thanks for poppin by my blog.
IF YOU WANT ME TO WAIT, I WOULD WAIT FOR YOU, IF YOU TELL ME TO STAY, I WOULD STAY RIGHT THROUGH, IF YOU DON'T WANNA SAY ANYTHING AT ALL, I'M HAPPY WONDERING- Wondering. GC. 'The Young and The Hopeless'.